I was scratchin' where it itched
Oh heartbreak and despair got nothing but boring
So I grabbed you baby like a wild pitch
- Bruce Springsteen
It was raining the day we moved in to the Beachhouse. Some days it feels as though it hasn't stopped raining. Especially the days when a wet cat or dog choses your spot on the sofa to dry off and warm up. Or days like today when you wake up to heavy rain and the thought of the water tank filling up is quickly followed by a silent prayer for the roof to stay on. Something tells me the water tank would be the least of my worries if that corner of the roof finally carries out its threat and parts company with the rest of the house.
The alarm went off at 5.30 but even Dennis wasn't budging this morning - snuggling an extra five minutes under the covers against feeding the ducks in icy rain was a no brainer. Laying there dozing eventually led us to finding another activity to warm ourselves up with. The heating benefits of love making in my opinion are highly under rated!
Heaters were hurriedly clicked on and emails checked while we waited for the jug to boil for tea and the poaching pan to heat. I'm so grateful for the ducks and chickens and the steady supply of eggs. Dennis bought chocolate powder yesterday and I was able to make hot chocolate for the kids - another thing to be grateful for. At least everyone started the day with a warm tummy!
Dennis applied for another job today - if he can get another client on board or can get a salaried job and do quotes in the evenings at least our income will be steadier and more secure. He's withdrawn today, despite the early morning romp, and I know it's because he's worried. He's not used to challenges or struggles in such constant progression and it must seem as though life is, as they say, one long painful austerity. But Buddhism teaches that even places that have been shrouded in darkness for billions of years can be illuminated. The sun will definitely rise. In fact, its ascent has already begun. For Dennis that is hard to believe but I know deep in my heart it is true.
I'm running late for gongyo and haven't made the lunches yet - around me the house is quiet, as if the cold morning has sapped everyone's energy for once. Even the labradors and the ducks are calm.
The frangipani buds that set before the cold snap hit are still there - each day I check them and come away with a smile.
We're struggling to juggle the mortgage payment this week - but I refuse to be defeated. Tonight I have belly dancing classes and after that I shall come home and plant some seeds to grow in the kitchen over the winter. There is a saying that the earth upon which we fall is the same ground which enables us to push ourselves up again. There's another which maintains that barley grows better after it has been trampled on. Human relationships are sometimes painful, but there is no such pain from which we cannot recover. It is up to us to decide to live a life free from self-doubt and despair in spite of our failures. Indeed, it is during our most humbling moments that we should show greatest poise and grace. Then the dignity of our lives will truly shine.
Freezing here too - and although I have firewood in the shed am loathe to cut a swathe through too early.... Funnily enough I went and made a mug of milo before sitting down to read your blog - and there you were with your hot chocolate! Loved the saying about the earth you fall on....
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